My mother is mentally killing me
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I am 18 years old and I am self-diagnosed with depression. My mother has no trust me in me, mostly because I smoke marijuana and I have done it once in her house and she caught me. I accepted her punishment and I truly believe that I’ve done something wrong and I told her that I would never do it again (Which I haven’t.) My mother has also caught me smoking marijuana in her car when she let me borrow one time. Same story and I haven’t done it since.

Yes, I like smoking marijuana. Am I addicted? No. I use it because It makes me feel better, it makes me feel happy, which is truly all I want.

Before my mom caught me, she didn’t really give me much freedom (She would only let me outside when the sun was out. In a way, I understand. My only excuse is that I’m a teenager trying to have fun.)

I use to watch my little sister every day after school, all by myself for about 2 years. Yet, she doesn’t trust me and it makes me feel very sad.
When I try to tell my mother how I feel, she tells me that it could be worst and begins to tell me about her past, etc. (Once again, understandable, but It’s not what I’m looking for. Also, she always tells me her stories about her past and they get VERY old.)

Every time I argue with my mother, she always hits me below the belt. For example:

This is me asking my mom if I can borrow the car to use it for my weekend job and she’s already said no. My work is about a 20 minute drive.

Me: Mom, I respect what you’re saying but I’m asking you to look from my perspective and to perhaps reconsider.

Mom: No.

Me: I know you don’t trust me, allow me to prove to you that I’m not always untrustworthy. I make mistakes. I’m only human.

Mom: I don’t care. Did you think it was that easy for me when I was your age?

Me: Why do I have to it hard then? I don’t need to have the same life as you.

Mom: You’re life isn’t hard. I’ve given you everything. You can’t disrespect me like that. I’m your mother.

Me: You've given me everything I needed. Why can’t I use this car that I NEED to go to work and to make money to buy my own car, to move on with my life?

Mom: Why didn't you find a closer job?

Me: It’s not that easy finding the perfect job. But work is work. I have tried applying for closer jobs but I have received no calls back.
Mom: You’re just not trying hard enough.
Me: I assure you, I’m trying with the best of my ability. Most jobs require experience and they always ask for references. I don’t have any. I’m grateful that my uncle and father helped provide this weekend job for me.

Mom: Then go move in with your father.

(Granted, there was a lot more detail in the argument. But I think I’ve gotten my point across.)

When I confront my mom for being so close-minded, she begins to feel bad and says I’m calling her a bad mom. I don’t think she’s a bad mother at all, I truly believe she is one of the best. The problem with my mother is that she is very stubborn and very close-minded. She believes that if someone messes up a couple of times, they’re completely and utterly irresponsible.

It makes me feel sad because I’ve graduated from high school with no issues, I don’t get into trouble with the law, I don’t believe I ask for much, the very little friends I have are not bad influences. I just don’t really know what I’ve done to absolutely deserve this.

My father, my uncle, my aunt, my cousins agree with me when I say that she has me on a very short leash and I’m 18 years old.

My mother went on vacation this summer, out of the country with her boyfriend and my little sister. She told me I needed to find somewhere else to stay and that I couldn’t stay at home. I told my mom that I didn’t need a babysitter; I’m 18 years old and I can stay home alone with no problems and that she has nothing to worry about.

My mother said I couldn’t stay and I asked her why. She told me she doesn’t know what I’m going to do. I told her that I’m not going to do anything; I don’t have friends for a party. I don’t even want to do anything. I just don’t want to be babysat at someone else’s house.

After a strong discussion, she threatens me that she will make me start paying rent.

And now I don’t remember the last night I haven’t cried. I always try to think back and figure out what exactly did I do to deserve this. I’ve done a couple of bad things, but is that truly all it takes?

I know teenagers my age who gangbangs and deals drugs and they have the ability to drive their mom’s car with their permission.

I sit at my computer all day and I couldn’t do that. I get caught smoking weed and now I can’t even ask.

I feel inadequate. What do you guys think? Am I in the wrong?

Tips would be great and I really appreciate for the people who read this and listened.