well, now i'm DEFINITELY an outcast. just burnt the bridges with all of my friends in my own country and have a few acquaintances on fb on which i solely discuss music with. two friends remained her in brazil: my uncle and a guy who i haven't being accepting visits or phonecalls due to me being bedridden for a month and a third; and i talk to one single nice kid and virtual bandmate from england in fb.

i follow hellogiggles on fb and just saw an article of making new friends as you get old. coincidence or not, makes me hopeful. i need someone to be with, whether a loving partner and/or friends, but ones that i don't have history with, for mine was only lies, drugs, money, sycophantism. no, i don't feel like a victim, but they've got a good 90% of the fault for me alienating them all - they just never wanted to know me, to undestand me, and just used me for the talents that due to a handicap, i don't have anymore. so the person they called by a certain nickname won't respond to it if by any chance im meet them again in person; i wish so bad that this will never happen. so that's it, no more 'weirdo of the 'gang'' no more outcast, i want new friends and it'll take years for it, but at least now i know better.

i know better.