Hi so, I've been in my relationship for almost 5 years. We got together when we were 16, Oct. 2009, and now we're both 21.

My question is how can i trust and believe someone who has lied multiple times and has been so secretive? And what is trust based on? I feel like.. trust is fake. Like for me, I have a hard time believing him when eh says he hasn't looked at dirty ****. Long story short he lied to me several time about watching porn and then I broke up with him for it, we got back together, he told me he'd stop, he did it again (when i went out), i found out by snooping, and then he put a porn blocker on his PC and had me put a parental control thing on his iPad so it blocks any adult websites because it was the only way to prove to me he was done.

Yes, that is the short version. There is much more i could add but anyway, now that he has these i feel better, i do believe he's stopped watching porn but .. anytime i have to go somewhere without him or have the opportunity to go somewhere without him, i get anxiety about him doing something behind my back, though i feel like i know he wont.. and i try to take his word for it, it's just REALLY HARD TO NOT FEEL THIS WAY!! I feel like if i'm not with him or on Skype with him, that he's doing something bad again. He could easily watch porn on his dad's computer right next to his, or his iPod, and not only that but he's pretty secretive with things so like, on Facebook he could be looking at some porn star or slutty chick and i wouldn't even know about it.

I feel guilty and yes, i know I'm wrong to be looking at his personals (Facebook & YouTube). But it's the truth, and i would like to stop feeling this way and stop looking at his personals and to find a way to get through this.
We've been through a lot. We've broken up 3 times. We both recently got part time jobs, and so that's been a plus for us but i still have the trust issues from past... not just with him lying to me about not watching porn anymore, but other things to do with females. No he's never cheated on me, and I know he isn't that type but he is very friendly and sometimes i feel like a bad person because i get mad at him for getting close with certain girls. :/ I am jealous, and i do fear that I'll lose him to girls who are better than me, and not just that, but because i think he's easy to get to. He is a very friendly and likable person, a lot of people like him at first or might think he's a goofball, and that's good, that's one reason i liked him, but at the same time because I feel bad because some of the people he's made friends with I feel intimidated by and problems occur because of me feeling this way.

It's not all girls that bother me, he works with almost all girls, and i don't get this feeling from any of them. I feel like they respect the boundaries more, they laugh with him, and joke, but, it's not the same as with this one girl in his college class. She is ... very confident in herself, and although i don't find her attractive, and he's told me he doesn't either, I still don't like him being close with her. One experience with her in a group was enough for me to make the judgement that i don't like her and him being close... and i told him this and he said he would minimize his interaction with her but, i don't know if i'm wrong to agree to this? I mean yeah he agreed to do this, but, am I bad to say how i feel and agree to him not talking to this girl anymore? I think she's nice, but, she loves to soak up the attention from him and her other 'guy friend' who sit around her like she's some queen.. and when i came around she was nice to me but she didn't really talk to me and i just sat there and watched my boyfriend and her's joke and make her laugh.. and i just sat there quiet the whole time, i was flaming pissed inside but i held it in and tried my hardest to not let it show. They were joking about sexual things to do with her, which didnt help, but she was laughing her *** off and so was my boyfriend.

So what should I do..? Am I a bad person? >.>;