I stopped taking my meds. I feel more alive than I have felt in a year. But its scary... It's too intense sometimes to be me. My moods are so intense..... I don't know I feel lost. I feel as if I am damned no matter what... It's in my genes........ I am feeling very dramatic.. I know I may be over reacting, but the truth is I am holding in so much. I am holding back so much laughter, sadness, anger, because I am scared to let out who I really am.. I don't want them to see the real me. The sometimes nasty mean, cruel me... Why do I get like this?
I'm so lost right now.
No one gets it.
My husband basically guilt tripped me everyday to get off my meds. Well I did it for him! I'm off! And what do I get?? I get NO reward.... I did it for HIM...
and yet I am alone right now.
My friend told me not to. And I'm scared where I'm going to go. The truth is my emotions feel even more tense than I even remember. It's been so long since I felt this electricity in my veins.
I am sorry about this rant. I just have no where to go. No one to tell that ever understands.