I was told i might find some answers from here.

So.. I have issues.. Always have had.

But uhm.. i dont know am i a narcissist, but I do score every narcissist test well above levels. Allthought i seems to come "around" only with not narcissist people, whom i seem to leave broken up and beaten up in emotional way.
I cant seem to get in touch with they emotions, well not my own neither - i think. I'm extremely tired with them, i dont know how to keep my energy up. I seem to feel blue with them all the time, and i punish them over it. I have rage issues. I blame them for everything. They are the reason why i feel blue, why i'm tired, why i cant keep my energy up. And they usually suck in bed.. And i make sure they know how i feel about them. Still they "love" me. Because i tend to make things up, i tell them how great they are, how much better then me. How much i "love" them and how they bring sun to my live. - until my rage and hell brakes loose.

I do not feel empathy i cant relate to other people and i find it hard to not get mad.

Allthought, i do not really think i'm better then others, in a matter a fact, i feel lower then everyone else. I feel worthless and a shamed. But i do tend to dream that i rule the world.

Only ones save from my rage are children. I have this overwhelming need to protect children from everybody - including me. My patience is high, i do not get mad, i can handle situation after another with kids. no problems.

But it all changes, when i'm with narcissst people. I am able to react, do things, my energy levels are up and i can feel emotions. I can live again. I do not feel need to rage, i do not have blue feelings. And usually, they are great in bed.

But i do have problems with them also. Constant up and downs, same that i give to not narcissist man. I feel that i should be in a relationship with narcissist just to keep me going. And the fact i am not, brings the worst out of me and i keep braking people up.

So, what am i?