I get that this is the way it probably is for me now, but I struggle with knuckling down and getting on with life, while it feels so numb, blank and with this video stream in my head.

Like if I was eating liver, which I really dislike, why would I keep eating it everyday just because that's how it is, if I had a splinter in my foot, why would I just keep walking on it, as that's just how it is?

I know I can get myself through each day and maybe even find something to smile at now and again, but I keep coming back to what on earth is the point, why continue to do something that just isn't working anymore.

I guess ultimately it comes down to choice doesn't it? I don't want that to read as me having any intentions right now - but it seems that life for me is just how it is and I have to find a way of accepting that or not - there is no in between where someone waves a wand and says "Now you can live your life happily". It sucks doesn't it?