Total meltdown this morning. The husband got called out to help with a leak in town, which always makes me panic since our fire because I don't know how long he'll be gone, and I've developed a fear of being alone. It's happened the last couple weekends, and it's happening again this weekend, and I don't feel I can keep dealing with this. No one understands. This ptsd, depression, anxiety is about to drive me crazy. I'm starting to think maybe I should stay with my parents on weekends so I just don't know and won't have to deal with it. Or that maybe I'd be better off alone with just me and my son so I won't have to deal with his job - if I had a job myself that could support us. I just can't keep doing this all the time. I didn't care for it before, but since all that's happened with the fire, I panic now. It's always looming over your head - phone could ring anytime after he gets home from regular work hours, overnight, weekends. When it does ring, my heart starts pounding. You don't know how long he'll be, when he'll be back... I get more scared as the time goes on. I start to have irrational thoughts if he'll be back at all or what if it's hours and hours... Yesterday I was visiting my parents, and mom was talking divorce with me because I was feeling depressed, but actually the husband and I have been getting along okay lately. I was depressed just because dealing with the fire, my losses, missing things... She doesn't get it, either... Like all that is supposed to be over now and not bothering me so that couldn't be what had me feeling so sad. It's so frustrating. Just don't feel I can keep dealing with all this. Have spent the last hour crying and shaking. My son is in the other room. I'm trying not to upset him, but he's already seen me...