Thanks everyone for your responses. DHHS does know my Psych history. I was able to get licensed because I am very compliant with treatment, with my meds and I had been very stable. I also am a recovering alcoholic and I have been sober for years. Both my Pdoc and my therapist wrote letters for me in support of me getting my grandsons. I'm feeling skittish about getting help because a friend of mine has a case right now and every single thing is being used against her both in a custody battle with her ex and by DHHS. I have an appt. Monday with pdoc then appt. Tuesday with therapist. I don't have to tell them the information, and seeking help when needed is a strength. I don't want to end up in a hospital again.

Today is not as bad as yesterday. I can call the helpline and talk to them anytime. I know I will not leave my kids with the baggage of having a mom who killed herself. I won't do that to them. I will go to a hospital first.