Hi, all. I only browsed the thread a couple of times today, while I was on the go. I'm only here a few minutes now, I have a project from yesterday outside I have to finish, as they are predicting rain tomorrow for us.

It is SO validating for me just to read what several of you have written, because it's like "someone really gets it." And, the people who "should have" didn't get it at all. Honestly, I can see how that could happen, because the symptoms of PTSD during an acute crisis are pretty much the same, superficially, as those of bipolar and a lot of other mental illnesses. BUT, but, but ... if you start delving deeper, you can separate out the strands of thoughts, emotions, and events, and start to get a much more accurate picture of the situation.

It's interesting to me that "grandiosity" is one of the hallmarks of paranoia - because belive me, I never had any aspect of that. In fact, it was, always, the opposite, I always had such an extremely low opinion of myself, it didn't take much to push me over the edge to the point I believed that I was absolutely at the level of the worst of our society.

What I object to in my own situation is the SPEED at which I was pronounced bipolar - approximately 5 minutes into the very first appointment, and after an additional 5 minutes to read my responses on her intake forms. I deserved better than that - ANYONE and EVERYONE deserves better than that out of an medical professional if there is the slightest hint of doubt as to a diagnosis. I found, later, that this doctor did NOT listen to their patients, at all - had the doctor listened to just a couple of the things I said, I never would have been placed into a position of having to decide what was the lesser of two very bad choices, risk "defying" the quote "recommendation" unquote that I check myself into a psych ward, or the "lesser" threat of doing the day program, or "risk it" and see what this doctor would do if I refused. So, I made a choice, the one I thought would give me the best opportunity to "cover up" what was happening. I was afraid that, if I didn't comply, the doctor would report me to the authorities as "dangerous to self" and I would be dragged off from home or work. And, I couldn't think of any possible scenario under which THAT could be covered up. So, I caved, and very quickly, in about 12 hours. And I have regretted that ever since, especially since both my therapist and the current, "great" psychiatrist said there wasn't enough cause to do what I feared.

Was it paranoia? Well, until a few days ago, I did think my fear of the MH system was paranoia - it is very unlikely I will ever be in that situation again. But, I did not fully understand what paranoid meant, in the technical sense. The article really cleared that up for me.

Gotta go - THANK YOU all SO MUCH!!! It really does help. More later I hope.