Doing better than yesterday. My boyfriend is here for a while to see if he can get a job and help us have a place to stay while I go to school.

Two of our friends want to share an apartment with us. There are more objective pros than cons, really - the apartment we are looking at includes a washer and dryer, electricity and water is relatively cheap, and has two master bedrooms with a full bathroom in each. Not to mention that, split between the two pairs of us, it would be about 493 per month in rent (cheaper than anything in the area by far).

However, the two friends made it fairly clear that I would need a job while going to school full time. They hinted that I just need to "put my big girl pants on" and just sort of get over my illness and grow up. They've never seen me cut in the bathroom of my work. They haven't been around when my jobs made me so suicidal I became physically ill. They don't know how hard it is to get out of bed every day alone. School is the only thing I've done well at.

Because of that conversation, I went home and self harmed. Almost made seven weeks. Now I have to start over again.

Day one of not self harming.