Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperlynne
I stopped taking my meds. I feel more alive than I have felt in a year. But its scary... It's too intense sometimes to be me. My moods are so intense..... I don't know I feel lost. I feel as if I am damned no matter what... It's in my genes........ I am feeling very dramatic.. I know I may be over reacting, but the truth is I am holding in so much. I am holding back so much laughter, sadness, anger, because I am scared to let out who I really am.. I don't want them to see the real me. The sometimes nasty mean, cruel me... Why do I get like this?
I'm so lost right now.
No one gets it.
My husband basically guilt tripped me everyday to get off my meds. Well I did it for him! I'm off! And what do I get?? I get NO reward.... I did it for HIM...
and yet I am alone right now.
My friend told me not to. And I'm scared where I'm going to go. The truth is my emotions feel even more tense than I even remember. It's been so long since I felt this electricity in my veins.
I am sorry about this rant. I just have no where to go. No one to tell that ever understands.
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I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time right now. I know where you're coming from - when I wasn't on meds, I was always cross-referencing my emotions and thoughts to see if they were appropriate to the situation. It was exhausting and a nightmare.
I'm sorry your husband isn't supportive. It's normal to notice a significant change in your spouse's behavior and consider it negative...especially when coupled with meds. You should talk to him and see if he thought it was really affecting how you are and not making your relationship work or if he just has a stigma against it. Don't let him keep you from getting better.
Why did your friend tell you not to? Did he/she say they noticed you were doing well while on them?
We're here for you.