As if this thread isnt long enough, haha... I wanted to just add a bit more about how I have been feeling lately, generally not just with the work issues... I dont feel like I have written everything down I wanted to!

suppose I should add some background here.. I suffered generalised anxiety disorder about ayear ago resulting from being on a jury, I had a panic attack in the court and it spiralled downwards from there, I went into a very very bad state of constant anxiety to the point of not feeling real at all, almost admitting myself to the hospital.

Over the year, I saw psychiatrists, psychologists, dr's etc to try and stop the cycle of anxiety, I was a mess. Eventually with meds, I regained my sanity as I say, and got back to pretty much normal... but now I think about it, I dont think I am the same as I was before it happened. I never had any problems at all, then all of a sudden 'bam' my whole life and grip on reality was gone.

Since then I have struggled with mood swings, from very sad, to happy, to scared etc.. this has gone on since then, but not bad enough fo do anything about, which I should have, because I think it has had something to do with the way I am reacting to this work situation.

I think I am one of those people that just cant handle anything, and I hate it. I have quit things before because I cant cope, and since starting this job, I have wanted to quit, but havent done it, because this time, I am not going to let it defeat me...

So many times in the past few weeks, I have felt so hopeless, like I am never going to be able to work, finish my degree, do anything.. and I hate feeling that way, but I cant stop it, and then it spirals into anxiety and I freak out. I was in the shower the other day and I all of a sudden felt like I couldnt breathe, I freaked out, my heart was racing, I had to say to myself, stop it.. you are only in the shower, nothing will happen... and that seemed to calm me down.

Overall, as well as this work issue, I just feel so unstable... like I am on the edge of losing it again.. and I am scared... The work problem is really causing me stress to the point of, if i dont sort it out, I will just quit to stop the stress... but overall, I just feel a mess.. one day I am ok, the next I cry, the next I am grumpy, sad, mad, lonely, anxious....

I feel better now that I have added that, hehe... so anyone who has managed to read the first one, and then this one... do you think the problem is with me... or the work?? I am starting to think its not the job, it really is me, and I need to sort it out....

Kel xxx