I understand this very well.

I actually DID decide (when I was 16, after my OD when I was 15... and that showed me more than anything else just how messed up my mom is....) that I would take the stance of "I'm not letting my family ruin me" and deciding to go to war where it was Me VS. My Brain. Gooooo trauma + bipolar 2!

It was really hard. I spent so many years knowing that I was doing it on my own... (ha, since birth really). I've had times where I felt like there was someone in my life... and then having them reinforce the thoughts that I'm worthless. Right now I really think that I do have support in my life (age 30... so I've been working for half my damn life actively, after spending most of the first 15 just trying to survive) and a lot of the time I still feel like it's not real and that I'm always going to be on my own.

My family will never change either. I just had to remove myself as much as I can, and enforce my own boundaries as best as I can.

I'm so proud of you for deciding that suicide is an option! I did the same at some point. It's really tough to keep that mindset sometimes (I tend to go "F*** OFF BRAIN!!!! as a mantra for myself when they crop up). And I am also proud of you for not running away! I've ran away a lot... I'm really, really, trying not to now as I have a permanent job. But oh man do I ever want to quite often! I keep it under wraps by planning vacations and then going on them!