I am at work right now. I have felt myself going downhill ever since last Tuesday after seeing T. This session, along with 8 pages of single spaced journal writing in the last week, have stirred up countless emotions and "acting out" behaviors. This includes not taking my medication for the past three days. I am really starting to lose it... I called my husband to tell him something. Then he said, "Is there anything else?" And I just snapped. I yelled at him, I started to cry (in my office). After I got off the phone with him, I threw my cell phone against my file cabinet (twice). I was shaking and almost crying, but trying not to because I didn't want to open my office door and walk out crying. I returned to the stupid job of filing client notes for the inspection (not my job, but they like to pile it on me anyway) and my anger felt so out of control. This overwhelming urge came over me to just rip up all of the client notes. It got to the point in which I really was afraid I was going to do it, so I got up and went outside. I see T and my pdoc tomorrow. I don't feel like seeing the pdoc, I don't even want to look at his f***ing face. What the f*** can he tell me?

I don't feel well. I cannot wait to get out of work today. The agency is closed tomorrow for the last day of Passover, so I do not have to go in. I want to go home, but I don't really want to be there either...

I can't even imagine what my session with T will be like tomorrow...