I am accepting of the help and advice of others here and appreciate them trying to help. The reason we have this forum in the first place is to discuss how we feel. Since this is how I feel about my depression (obviously, I feel many things about it that already refute what others are saying here), then this is why I am discussing my debating points of view. I am hoping that someone can convince me that I am wrong which would make me feel better because if I am convinced, then I will view suffering, intellect, etc. to have greater value than pleasure and other things of this sort. But so far, based on my arguments here, this has not happened. And until that happens, I will continue to feel hate towards having struggles and depression in life and that the only thing that matters is being a "higher" being who is superior to those things (by being happy and not having to deal with these things). I only care for the status of my pleasure in this specific situation. Therefore, if I were to fully recover from my depression right now, that would give me a sense of empowerment and superiority above life's struggles (depression in this case) and would give me the status of a "higher" being (again, not comparing myself to others when saying that--I am only just referring to myself when saying this).

But until then, I have not yet achieved this "god-like" status and am just an inferior human being bound by life's struggles of depression and such. To me, pleasure is a "god-like" life force that makes you superior. Therefore, since I have chronic depression now, I have lost my "god-like" powers and I will wait patiently for them to fully return. If they do fully return, then I would now be able to channel this power into making music and make great music (as this is the "power" that makes me a good composer) as I obviously find that channeling pleasure into making music creates far better songs than intelligence or experimentation alone and that the greater the pleasure, the better and more catchy and such the songs are. I experience empowering mystical god-like feelings of pleasure through music and such (through witnessing things or hearing music that is of a mystical god-like nature) which is obviously why I conclude here that pleasure is this mystical god-like force for me that makes me a mystical god-like being in a sense and that to lose that through depression would indeed make me a lesser being.

But as for channeling negative emotions into making music, this is not who I am and that would only serve to make me feel even more depressed.