(This is now 3rd time i try to answer to you. Everytime i try to press send.. This F**king peace of sh**t loses connection.. If this does that again.. i'm gonna throw this out my window)

Do i admire them?
I would like to answer : " No, of course i don't!" But it would only be half of the truth.

Allthough, i thinks "admire" i a wrong word. I just feel safe, secure and i'm able to breathe, i'm able to take stress, and i'm not depressed.

With an normal relationship, i act like a narcissist and i'm unhappy, i fall to depressions etc. Like i shut down.. or something.

The reason i came to thinking about this, is that i was forced to look back my life, my behavior and my actions. It was a shock to me realize.

My mom IS a NPD, and all the **** she put me trough.. So no, admire is not a right word.

I do realize my lack of feelings and my lack of empathy. And i know that is not normal. I do NOT wish to be NPD, I do not want to be one. I'd do anything to be anything else my mom is. But as i'm at this point, that i've had this info about me, i need to try to find out.