Again... are you trying to justify your way that is not working?

Your problem seems to be as well the inability to accept the pain and work through it (but there is not other way, I am sorry to say). Your definition of what is superior is rather skewed and is hurting you. You are basically beating yourself down for feeling and struggling and draw black and white picture of your world. Not sure what you want from life... constant pleasure or nothing at all? How about setting your expections to something more realistic, accepting joy and struggle, fighting the bad and enjoying the good moments, without obsession about being "god-like" for feeling good?