Sister Rags,

So sorry you are going through all of this. After reading about your situation, it occurred to me that it sounds like you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. No matter what you do, it just won't "fit".

I also wonder, are you feeling like there is more you need to do in order to think you have done everything you can to fix your relationship with John? I know when I was in an abusive marriage, I had to come to the realization that there was nothing more I could do before I finally had the gumption to end the marriage. It took me a long time to get to that point, but we also had young children as well and that played into my heartstrings. I realized that I waited way too long before I made my final decision to end things. There was such damage done by waiting so long and I do kind of regret that.

I, too, was scared to death to live on my own and support my children and myself. It is strange at first, but for me, it was absolutely freeing to be able to make my own decisions, to find ways to entertain myself again, to feel comfortable in my own space by myself.

I'm not saying that you and John should end your relationship, that's up to you to decide. I will say though that if he is not willing to learn what his own issues are and to find help to get through them, there really is nothing you can do for him. And, quite frankly, it's not your responsibility to get him to change his ways, it's completely on him. Your responsibility is for yourself, your peace of mind, your safety, your happiness and the list goes on.

I do have a question for you though, are you afraid to be alone with yourself and your own thoughts with no one there at that moment to speak to? If so, I think you definitely need some help to feel better about yourself. You deserve it!