Over the years, my father has gradually removed himself from our lives. My mother basically raised us by herself. He provided financial support for the most part, but not much more. As soon as we (his children) got to high school, his visits became fewer and fewer and then non-existent. He missed pretty much all of the special milestones in my youngest brother's life. It's gotten to a point where he neither wants to visit us nor wants us to visit him. If we say we want to visit, he insists on getting several days notice in advance and restricts us to visiting on certain days of the week. He doesn't readily accommodate visits that get in the way of his schedule.

He's pretty old now and a bit shaky. He lives far from us. I'm the only child who can get to him the quickest (a 4-hour journey by road). The last couple times I visited, it was obvious his home hadn't been cleaned in a while and it doesn't seem to get cleaned unless I visit. I wish I could visit more, but the journey takes a toll on me and I'm out of it for days after. Plus money is limited. When I'm at his home, he's somewhat accommodating, but he doesn't go out of his way to make me feel welcome. We don't even have a meal together, and he doesn't want me to cook for him. When I'm leaving, he looks sad. I used to ask him, if he'd like to come visit or have an outing with me where we do something nice away from home. He kept saying no, so I stopped asking.

We (his family) send him pictures and call, so he's kept abreast of things, and he says he's happy to get all the keepsakes. We invite him to live with us, but he refuses. He says he doesn't want to be a burden. It doesn't matter how much we reassure him, he won't change his mind, so we don't push the subject anymore. A couple years ago, one of my siblings and I wanted to take him to lunch. He refused. Now, we're trying to plan something special for him, but he tells us he can't come. My Dad has made mistakes in his life--some we are aware of. Regardless, we've never held them against him, but have been as supportive as we can.

I think he's depressed, but would depression cause a man not to want to see or hangout with his family? Parents, please share your thoughts. I'm at a loss.