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nicole84 said:
I've had a good wkend, spent with my partner.. now i'm home again nice and relaxed and I feel *****. I don't know why cos I thought I was feeling better again. I think maybe being around others takes my mind off my own problems....

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(((Nicole))) I'm the same way. I'm fine when I'm at work or out with friends, but when I'm on my own I feel like crap. Today's a statutory holiday in Canada, so I'm not at work. I'm sitting here, feeling lousy, trying to find the energy to get up and take a shower. I turned on the tv to try to distract myself, but daytime tv makes me feel MORE miserable. My parents are coming to pick me up in an hour for a family dinner at my sister's house. I NEED to get a shower and I need to throw some dirty laundry in a bag to take it to my sister's because I NEED some clean laundry, but I'm just sitting here... feeling crappy and lazy... chain-smoking and reading and posting on this board. I want to look good and happy and all those things when I see my parents. They worry so much about me and they're so pleased that I have my career on track again and am SO much better than I used to be. I don't want to let the cracks show because then they'll start worrying again and that will make me feel worse... but if I have dirty hair and smell bad when they get here, they'll know I'm not doing as great as they thought. Four-day weekends on my own aren't good for my mental health.

So, yeah. I'm fine when other people are distracting me. I look perfectly NORMAL and lovely when I'm at work, but when left to my own devices, I'm quite miserable and useless most of the time.

Ugh. I need to get in the shower. Why is it so damn hard?