sabby, thank you for your kind post. I DO need to take steps to somehow feel better about myself. It's become clear to me that I have a nearly life-long history of depending upon a significant man to "make" my life happier. Obviously, it isn't - and won't - work...at least, not for the long term. When all is said and done, unless there is physical abuse and violence in a relationship, I believe we need to look within for answers.

Just by reading what I've posted on this thread I see that I am giving John more power than is realistic and healthy.