l struggle to a greater or lesser degree with sui thoughts most days. Sometimes the compulsion feels on par to the cravings l had for nicotine when I stopped smoking. God, Buddha, Big Bang? Who knows what got us here. However if l accept that I exist as a human being with purposeful thought / actions standing on a planet, perfectly formed to support life, bobbing about in some vast space, then l must also accept that the amazing is possible, things far greater than my mind can comprehend. Therefore as l do not know with any degree of certainty (faith/ belief do not even scratch the surface here) what would become of "me'' if , were to kill myself, l do not want to take the chance of plunging myself somewhere darker and deeper.

To me that leaves 2 options, losing hope and condemning myself to a living heII here on earth, or keeping plodding, exploring internally and externally. Yes it's not easy, but we have a lifetime to find the solution.