i am losing the battle. I am sick and tired of this damned disorder that appears to control me more than i control it. i don't want to fight this anymore. i am soooo TIRED of feeling so angry that i feel like i am exploding inside. i have kids so i have to remember that. as everyone always says hey remember u have kids you are not allowed to crash, u are not allowed to be bitter on on the brinks of going insane. forbid the thoughts of ending this misery because of the pain it will cause everyone else. more responsibility on my shoulders. the can'ts and don'ts are driving me to this point of despair. i don't care about no pdoc no freakin' therapist opinion because all they do is add another drug or increase the dose of the ones i am on. WELL GUESS WHAT IDIOT PDOC IT"S NOT WORKING!!!! and i am tired of this whole damned situation. i am tired of people always calling me so we can get together. like HELLO i don't even what to be in my own skin, what the hell makes them think i want them around. i have enough to worry about without having to pretend that i am happy. EVERYTHING SUCKS!!! so what do i do now, does anybody know? should i tell me pdoc that i can't live like this anymore so he can stick me in the psychward for a week so they can pumped me with more meds. then once that ends and i come home will my children be here, or will child protective services become involved. seems much easier to just end this pain than go through that lengthy process.