Hey everyone,

Just need to vent some. I been dealing with depression for a while, and honestly I am starting to think that will be a life long thing. (which I don't like that idea) But at least it didn't seem to completely stop me in my tracks. I had a few issues with rapid heartbeat which the said was anxiety. Well now I am having a full blown issue with anxiety! Feel like I am coming apart with some stupid fear and worry.

My last employer abused my on-call status all of the time. Really increased my stress level. Well I had a ray of hope and found a new job and started 3 weeks ago. It promised to be a change for the better. It seemed to be just what I needed then that was shot down Thursday when I hear of what the new manager and sales rep had planed. (lots of sales commission for them...lots of after hours/weekend work for me. That triggered me badly. And since then my Anxiety started building. This morning I was sleeping in due to not being able to get to sleep last night. My son came over and woke me. Hell I was almost crying I was so worried.

I don't have anything from the doctor for anxiety that is current. I have and untouched bottle of clonazepam 0.5mg tabs that was prescribed to me. That bottle is over 3 years old. So I am afraid to take that. I finally broke down and took a dose of benadryl just to calm me down.

Of course my mind starts up with the whole it's a brand new job and I am going to loose it bit adding to my anxiety. I def can't miss work for sure. So I am not sure how to move forward.

This is really got me feeling lost. I am angry also, because I had a first date/meeting with someone Sat night and it went very well. I should be thinking about that, but can't because of all this silly nonsense in my head.

Thanks for reading...