I would first like to point out that I am NOT suicidal or depressed. I am simply questioning my life choices. Now with that said...

Since watching the very first Iron Man in theaters, I dreamt about being just like Tony. An engineer. For the first time in my life, somebody actually made being smart look cool. Being that I don't come from a family with very high IQs, I kinda hid the fact that I'm kinda smart and like researching and whatnot. Now, obviously I don't. I flaunt my intelligence which pisses a lot of people off. Kinda funny actually.

Anyways, recently, I've been questioning college a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I love my teachers and classes. I have some of the coolest and funniest classmates but.... I haven't really had the best educational background. I moved around a lot because of stupid family problems and either credits messed me up or I just stopped caring. I had to learn the same lower level stuff over and over and never learn anything new. I'm in college right now and still taking Algebra....and kinda failing because I can't seem to grasp the concepts very well.It's very frustrating. Unfortunately, my chosen profession is very science and math heavy so being kinda ****** in both my math and science classes is a little discouraging. Also because of my ****** educational background, I feel like a 5 year old compared to my classmates. They talk like a college student should talk and I have no idea what they are fully saying. I feel incredibly stupid.

At this point, people say 'Oh, get a tutor!' Yeah, easier said than done. No money nor time because of my irritating ride situation. I try very hard to do well but sometimes I feel like I'm in over my head. Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed. I seriously feel like I am a failure and always will be a failure. I have no support from my family** AT ALL.

Some days I just want to burrow under my sheets and just stay there. Maybe this is because I hold myself to this incredibly high standard? I don't know anymore. I really hope I pass this semester or I will cry uncontrollably.

Any tips on how to make this a little easier? Helpful websites for Algebra or Chemistry? Any help is greatly appreciated.

** My grandparents actually think I'm incredibly greedy because I try to get as many grants and scholarships as possible to stay debt free.