I am struggling. My ex-boyfriend will not speak to me AT ALL. We broke up about 4.5 months ago. I can't accept that he won't talk to me, I'm terribly confused, and I'm so depressed I often think I want to end my life.

Everyone says, just move on. I can't. I have zero hope for having a relationship in the future. For one, I have social anxiety and avoidance. It is VERY difficult for me to meet people and form relationships. It rarely happens; I am mostly alone. For two, I am attracted to men with intelligence and ambition. These types of guys tend to "have it together" and don't want to be involved with women who have mental illness. For three, I don't believe its possible for someone to love me as I am, with my personality disorder.

When I was with my boyfriend, my life had meaning and purpose. While I still had difficulty getting my emotional needs met, the rest of the relationship was great. I was basically happy for the first time in my life. He was still fawning over me in December and January and even said, in late January, although I was a lot of work, I was worth it. Then in mid to late February, he bailed out because of the "stress."

Because I have so few friends, I need his presence in my life in some way. I have remained friends with other exes. The complete shut out by him is agonizing. At the beginning of the break up, I was struggling a lot, so I probably scared him with my crying and emotions. However, I have changed my behavior. I don't text him anything long, heavy, romantic, or emotional. Just casual stuff. Also things that build him up ("You are worthy of good things" - his self esteem is very low). I still get nothing.

I know everyone is going to say, don't contact him at all, get on with your life. This just isn't an option for the reasons I mentioned. I need him as a friend. Why can't he even respond with a "Thank you, I hope you are doing well?" Why does he not even want to be my friend? At the beginning, he said he wanted to be my friend. At the end, he said he wanted to be my friend. A few months ago, he said he wanted to be my friend like Joe and Mike are. Yet he gives me nothing but silence. He has completely shut me out. I feel terribly rejected and lonely, and I can't move forward (by the way, I am taking medication and going to therapy multiple times a week.)