I'm sorry that you're feeling so hurt.

But all you are doing is harrassing him, which will never, ever, get you what you want. The more you push and prod and bother him, the less likely he is to ever respond or ever want to try and start a friendship. Sometimes people need time after a breakup before they can be friends - the exes whom I'm friends with, I needed to have space from them for months and months. You're refusing his need and desire for space, which is hugely disrespectful of you. If he does ever respond, it'll be in anger and you will just feel even more hurt.

People change, and people can be jerks and they will say things that they might mean just at that second, but don't really mean it as they don't actually think about it.

There's a lot in your post that I hope you are addressing with your therapist: you don't NEED to have him in your life - you want to have him in your life (there is a huge difference there). You say you have zero chance for a relationship in the future - the only reason why this is true is because you are obsessing over your ex. You say that intelligent/ambitious men will never want to be with you due to your PD - well, I'm with a very ambitious lawyer and he's alright with my bp2 . You say that you can't meet people or form relationships easily - sure it's hard, but you met your ex at some point, and you met your friends at some point. You can meet others at some point too!

You're right that I am telling you to stop contact with him - but I'm pointing it out from his perspective - you are harrassing him and totally ignoring his wants and needs. You can't force him to have contact with you. You are showing him more and more disrespect. That's why you need to stop.