Please do have a litttle patience and hear me out. I've tried everything to shake off this feeling and can't. So this is my last resort before I am forced to seek counselling. And do try not to laugh.

My problem is, I'm overly, and I mean EXTREMELY image-conscious. I'm obsessed with how other people view me in certain areas where I hold myself in high regard, namely in debates, knowledge on history and politics, intelligence, etc. If somebody (who is equally or more knowledgeable in similar fields and articulate) seems to blast my views as "stupid" and calls me "ignorant" in the aforementioned subjects, I get an emotional crisis. Having grown up with maladaptive daydreaming disorder and OCD, I've had to deal with a lot of harsh criticism, especially from my mother. There was a stage of life where I'd taken feeling inferior as my destiny and was resigned to it. I fortunately overcame this state of mind once I became an adult, but with a great deal of trying on my part. I was sensitive to the word "crazy" for a long time, having been addressed by that word informally whilst being criticised for my disorder. Gradually I came out of my insecurities with a change of environment and peers (once I went to college), and now am a secure individual. Well, almost.

What still lingers on from my past is, however, a very fragile self-esteem that surfaces in the aforementioned areas. I was praised as an intelligent student by my professors and peers at college, my friends and acquaintances generally regard me as an intellectual on certain subjects, and debating on various issues (online and in real) are one of my favourite hobbies. It gives me immense joy, along with increasing my knowledge about the world. But it is also the place where I'm prone to emotional crises the most. I don't mind heated disagreements as long as they are on point and logical rebuttals, but if somebody makes a snide comment on my "intelligence" or implies that I don't know what I'm talking about (when I know I do, and I'm not boasting), I completely lose it and try to analyse and end up over-thinking on why they might have said so, what was it that caused them to think that way. My mind does not rest until I've found a plausible explanation that satisfies my ego and "assures" me of my intelligence.

Recently, this has aggravated a lot. I've had debates with various people in a row on similar subjects, and ended up disagreeing with all of them. They all did the above (calling me snide names, telling me I don't know stuff). I was hurt, but managed to ignore them since all of them came from a certain political opinion. But what really got me down was a Facebook acquaintance of mine who unfriended me over a very trivial debate that we had merely disagreed on. Not even argued, just disagreed. This guy who I talk of, is a very open-minded and empathetic person who did not resort to illogical labelling and name-calling like the others on disagreement. We've had loads of stimulating discussions on various subjects across the board, and agreed upon most subjects. But on this one issue, he felt I was "arguing for arguing's sake" and unfriended me. THIS was what gave a huge jolt to my ego or self-esteem. Like I said, there was this series of disagreements with people, and now the final blow came from somebody as balanced and rational as this guy.

The thing I can't shake off from my thoughts is : Were those people correct about me? Am I indeed ignorant and an idiot? I know deep within that I'm not, but so many people's and especially the last one's perception of me is causing me emotional distress.

Please advice me on what I could do to break the cycle of this thought. Thanks.