Quote:
Originally Posted by 3xjj
What about my needs and feelings? He knows I struggle with loneliness and depression. He broke my heart with no good reason. He has a need for space to deal with his feelings, well, I have a need for communication. I have a need for someone who said they cared about and loved me to show some regard for my wellbeing. If I have to suffer not contacting him all the time, can't he occasionally suck up some discomfort and talk to me? That's crap that I have to respect his feelings and he doesn't have to have any respect for mine. I helped and cared for him a lot. At the very least, he should have some concern for me. I hardly see that "Have a good day" is harassment. Why is it all about him? And still, no one has said why he is behaving this way. Because he needs to heal? What does he need to heal from? He's the one that abandoned me.
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Your needs don't trump his - and your wants are based in the fantasy (for lack of a better word) of continuing to have some form of a relationship with him. He has decided he does not want any relationship of any kind with you, and while that hurts like a mofo, that IS his right and he is allowed to make that decision without consulting you.
Yes, he is making a bit of a jerk move here... but he's allowed to do it. He might even have decided to cut you out completely because he knew that you weren't going to accept that things were over and maybe decided that zero contact, in the long run, would be better for you.
He isn't responsible for taking care of your lonliness and depression - that is your job, not his. Relationships always have the risk of heartbreak; most relationships do not last forever.
If you need, and not just want, communication, then you have your friends and your therapist to support you through the break up - that is not his job to do anymore, and as much as it stings, he does NOT owe you anything. He does not have to "suck it up" and communicate with you simply because you want to continue contact with him - he's said no, and that is what it means.
Just because you cared for him during the relationship (and it sounds like he cared for you during it as well) doesn't mean that he owes you anything - you gave the caring to him freely and without condition.
Like... I've been where you are - I've definitely messaged exes more than was warranted, and really, really, wanted an explanation for what had changed over night (I do think it's a total jerk move of someone.. to just go night and day and end things without any explanation at all... but no matter what, we can't force it out of someone). The difference is, is that once it was clear (none of them ever told me that they wanted no contact) that a friendship wasn't going to work out, then I ceased contact myself.
You are misplacing your needs; you're trying to make him responsible for them. That is a want, not a need. Your actual needs can only be filled by you right now, and you're neglecting them by passing the responsibility onto your ex. Take care of yourself and stop hoping that he'll do it for you, it will never happen!