I agree with Sky. You are working through this in and out of therapy. I think that is good. My therapist always says it's very good when you continue to work outside the session like you're doing right now. And though it may not seem like it right now, going through this may lead you to find 'real love' for yourself and prepare you for 'real love' with other people. From your writing, it sounds like having "Judy" has really been a breakthrough for you. Transference is normal and feelings of love in various forms for a therapist are, I believe, common. I know I love my psychiatrist and wish I could be his daughter or sister (I know not quite the same).

If you feel up to it, I would suggest sharing your post here with your therapist.

Hang in there.

Winter Rose