Hey guys, I'll try not to drone on too long here while still being as clear as possible about the struggle.

So... a part of me thinks I'm awesome. I'm smart, I'm kind, I'm not bad looking, and I'm surrounded by people who love me because they see something good in me. Also, I know that I haven't tricked them... I know there is something good in me for real.

Unfortunately, another part of me is pretty sure I'm just a piece of crap. I mean... real, hardcore, seething self-loathing. Even though I think I'm pretty "capable", my whole sense of self-worth is really low. I truly do hate myself.

Just typing that... well, it's progress to admit it I suppose... only recently been able to do that...

My inner critic is always hasty to remind me of past failures, of how I've squandered my potential, of how I haven't been able to just pick something and make a go of it and instead let myself become bored and distracted from every career I've ever pursued.

I hate that I work where I do. I hate that I earn just a shade over minimum wage, and that that's not likely to ever change. I hate that I don't provide for my family in a way that would grant them proper comfort.

That's career but... also there's... stuff I feel guilty about... stuff I've done in the past, and feelings I've felt for other people that were inappropriate. I hate feeling like I want people other than my wife. I know that if she knew she'd be horribly hurt.

I make better decisions these days now that I'm not so ridiculously depressed, but... I feel like there's nothing I can ever do to make it better. I'm filthy and will never be clean.

So... I don't know what to do...