I think it would be being a perfectionist. At first when I didn't have this depression, I didn't have this attitude about pleasure. Now that I have been through depression, I realize just how important pleasure is and how awful it is to lose your pleasure and I have become a perfectionist about pleasure as a result. I am completely fed up with depression and I feel that if I can't have the perfect pleasure I once had before I had this depression, then my life including me is worthless. I feel that if nothing can be perfect (just in the sense of me no longer having depression), then everything is worthless and I would sacrifice everything or end my life if the depression never went away.

- - - because the universe is the way it is - perfectionism does not, cannot exist - therefore, the request you are asking, seeking is spurious and possibly delusional on your part. you are basing your reasoning on your feelings, which to begin with are imperfect. if a runner decides in his mind to run a 3 minute mile - but a human's body is not actually capable of doing such a feat - does that make the runner's life useless? maybe to the runner - but is his desire based on rationality and the limits of his physical being or on his feelings and desires? And, as you can see - are imperfect. perfectionism is a way to control - but there are just too many things out of everyone's 'control' for anyone to ever be 'perfect' - i.e., completely without depression. this is why people learn to live with 'clumps' of happiness or 'specks' of pleasure. restrict your music, 'it' can wait forever to be written - whether you ever achieve perfect pleasure ever again. but what a waste for everyone else - and you yourself - one clump is better than none. {take care}