Please don't give up!!!! You may feel like you are losing this battle but if you hang in there,take your meds, maybe call the doc or( find a new one) you might just win the war. I know how you feel about not wanting to be here sometimes but there is always another solution. Times are always going to be harder then others and as long as you can remember that, they will eventually start getting better. Do you have someone who can care for your kids if you feel a trip to the hospital comming on? Wish I could help. My husband bought a punching bag and lately it has gotten quite a bit of use!!!!! How long haveyou been diagnosed with bipolar?? Just curious. Hang in there for you and your kids! you can pm me if you would like!!