(1) I am poor. I have on $800 of SSDI per month. I live in a slum neighborhood, in an apartment.
(2) I have realized that virtually of the factors in my life that are troubling, disturbing, stressing and upsetting me are due to the fact that I live in a social environment of people who can be called "desperados.'
(3) The term "desperados" (Spanish for "desperate ones") was first used for the outlaws who lived on both sides of the Mexican border back in the days of the Old West. Desperados, because they had no regular way to earn a living, resorted to lying, cheating, stealing and sometimes killing, to survive.
(4) I live in a modern city in the USA. But I do not live among normal people. I live among modern-day desperados. From my apartment manager, to the others who live in my apartment complex, to the staff at the community mental health center where I go, to the state welfare office where I have to sometimes go, everyone is a desperado. Everyone is poor, and financially desperate. This creates lots of lying, cheating, brutality, bullying, stealing, hating, crime, and cliques and gangs.
(5) I am sick of this. I am sick of living among desperados. In my pre-mental illness life, I lived among people who more normal, who had good jobs and lived in good neighborhoods and had good family lives. It is getting hard for me to remember that there is a world were everyone isn't so dishonest and so hateful. Jesus, I want out of this world of desperados.