Quote:
Originally Posted by 702webdev
I am 24 years old and I have known that I am gay since I was 13 or 14. I was sexually abused at the age of 10 years old by a neighborhood boy that was 16 and then again at 13 by another person.
Fast forward to when I was 19 and confused about who I wanted to be. Should I live a homosexual life or should I buckle and try to live a heterosexual life. Well I met a girl that I like, not necessarily loved but we had a great friendship, we had intercourse once and it was alright. We would talk all the time on the phone or text, one time I admitted to her that I use to be gay and that I still find men attractive. She was absolutely fine with this, later down the road a few months I told her about the sexual abuse, again she was there for me and everything.
I have read that sometime when a person is sexually abused they begin to suppress their feelings for the same-sex if that is what they were into, and they try to live a life with the opposite sex which doesn't make them truly happy.
Currently we have 2 kids and for awhile we were having no sex at all really maybe every other week. Well we started having sex again and she uses a strap-on to please me but it makes her sad that I get more pleasure from that than just straight sex between us. There are also times when having sex that I have to play "movies" in my head.
What should I do? I don't want to live a lie anymore, but I don't want her to suffer and then find out a few more years down the road how I truly feel.
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Hello 702: I noted your use of the word: "should" in at least a couple of places in your Thread. As the saying goes: "Don't should on yourself." There are no prime directives here. What is needed is for you & your wife to work this out between the two of you via genuine, heart-felt discussion.
If you can't, or don't want to, do that by yourselves seek out an experienced couples therapist. Each of you, individually, may also want to see therapists of your own as well. If money is an issue, see if you can locate a private not-for-profit organization that provides services free-of-charge or on a sliding-fee basis. The one thing you don't want to do is to allow this situation to fester until it blows up in all of your faces (including your children's.)
I will just say, in addition, that I am an older transgendered male. I have been married for many years. Many of us who are trans have a similar problem. We marry & have kids thinking that it will be okay. Maybe being married & having kids will even cure us of our "trans-ness". It doesn't. If a person is trans, they're trans for life. It doesn't go away. And eventually it will out. Then in many, if not most cases, the marriage dissolves as a result. We don't mean it to. We just didn't realize, going into it, that this is how it would end. But it does. The sooner you & your wife talk this out, the better. It's not going to go away.
