I think it's very telling that you seem to view boundaries as being defined externally, rather than based upon internal desires, beliefs, morality, and preferences. That somehow the external can over ride/replace the internal in these determinations.

So in your thinking, the "rules" and conditions of a meeting determine how those involved should relate to each other. But just because people affiliate at any sort of gathering--even within a congregation where we'd assume the members are closer in their beliefs than would be true randomly--doesn't mean they share identical views about anything, including boundaries. The degree to which they will modify their behavior (set boundaries) is based upon internal consideration of morality, ethics, beliefs, and preferences.

Perhaps one of your therapy issues is that you don't experience such considerations as internally determined?