Could it be that your athletic and academic status are causing you to feel extra pressure to be 'perfect'? Relapse is part of ANY health problem, not just addiction. Doesn't make you a bad person - just someone who recognizes they are not where they would like to be.

Don't know if you are in a 12-step program, but if you are, get honest and do a Step Three with your sponsor and ask for the help you need. Allow some help and love in to get you through this.

You don't have to be perfect ... just willing ... and humble.