I played the long game, too. I went for three decades trying this med and that. Finally I was diagnosed with extreme OCD. I never mention my particular symptoms because it didn't occur to me that everyone did not feel what I felt. But it did take eight more years to get the right combo and the right dosages. My point is you cannot give up on meds. Give yourself time to reach the therapeutic levels. And be completely honest with your pdoc. He may never be a friend, and for that I'm sorry, but he could be the one who fixes your meds, finally. Well wishes.