Quote:
Originally Posted by 3xjj
Wow, thanks for the support. Funny, I was reading a post the other day from someone who talked about the lack of support they got on here.
ChipperMonkey, your response was simply mean. There wasn't anything in your post that could be construed as trying to be helpful. You are projecting your issues with NPD onto me. Of course this issue is about me... its my post and my broken heart. I can't believe how everyone thinks I should be concerned about his feelings. I don't believe my feelings trump his, but his feelings don't trump mine. Or they shouldn't, not when two grown-ups (say over the age of about 28) proclaim that they genuinely care for one another. Caring does not equate to abandoning.
I did a lot for this man. Regardless, all I'm asking is for him to act a caring human being once in awhile. Good gracious, I have just coworkers who are capable of that. You'd think I was asking him to cut his hand off. I understand I can't "force" him to do this; however, I don't think I'm "wrong" for wanting or expecting it.
I am not looking for him to fix my depression and loneliness or anything else. I'm expecting him to OCCASIONALLY help me, be my friend, talk to me. That's what you do when you care about someone. Caring does not equal abandoning. People should not be discardable and replaceable (which makes his actions more representative of NPD than mine).
I respect everyone's right to give an opinion, although I think gentle would generally be appropriate when someone is hurting. Immature and irrational are clearly subjective words, not objective ones. They express an opinion and interpretation. However, while I disagree with other posters here, I understand that their intention was to try and help. ChipperMonkey, your intention was not. You meant to berate and make me feel bad, e.g., "I can see plenty of reasons he bailed." Again, your issues being projected onto me.
I will take the earlier poster's advice and clarify further the type of responses I am looking for. I thought I was relatively clear in asking for explanations about why he was behaving this way. As in, "I've done that to someone I've cared about and this is why" or "I've had that done to me, and I think this is why." I didn't want more pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on with your life. I clearly stated that I could not. If I could, I would; this is a terribly painful place to be. Has no one else ever been stuck in moving on or the grief process? I would love to hear about the getting stuck, not how "unfair" I'm being to my ex.
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I hear you. You have pain mixed with confusion, mixed with loss, mixed with disillusionment, mixed with abandonment, mixed with shock, mixed with fear, mixed with frustration. And probably many others. The point is, you are hurting. I just wanted to say, I understand.
Don't worry about other people's labels, people like to name and categorise things, particularly those they regard as threatening. There
is great support on here, but we're all human, fallible, and the internet is a communication minefield.
I believe you will find your answers, but they'll come from within. We often want the perpetrator to stand up and explain their actions, but even though they may be to blame for our pain, we are the only ones who can take care of ourselves once they are gone. I know how much this hurts, but the person who will take best care of you now is you.