I know exactly what you mean.....everything is turned around to be your fault. And sooner or later, you begin to agree that you are the one who is at fault. Little by little you are destroyed by his ever changing attitudes, behaviors and abuse. He wants you to be off kilter, so that you don't know what to expect and when. That is his control over you. When he finds that you begin to stand up to a particular behavior of his, he changes like a chameleon and tries another approach. This works for awhile, then either you try fighting it again or he gets bored and changes his colors again.

Many of us here have been through exactly what you are going through. By NO MEANS have you EVER deserved to be abused either physically, mentally or emotionally. There is NOTHING that could ever warrant that kind of behavior from the person who is supposed to be our loving mate. I don't care if you have not been an angel in your relationship, none of us are. It may take 2 to tango, but it only takes one to be a control freak and abuser. There are many other ways of working through your problems than for you to be abused in any way shape or form.

Below is an exerpt regarding how a person is controlled, manipulated and abused. I hope it helps you to understand what is going on in your relationship.


One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.

THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)

1. The brainwasher keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.

Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.

2. The brainwasher controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brainwasher.

Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities. You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends. Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.

3. The brainwasher creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.

Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.

4. The brainwasher works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.

Your partner trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave. He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself.

5. The brainwasher puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.

In other words -- What he says, goes.

Anytime you feel the need to chat, feel free to pm me. I'll be more than happy to listen. Be well!

Hugssss
J