Just to clarify, I was not marching in the Pride parade. I was at a lesbian after-party. My former college student is a lesbian, as am I. I'm out, so I have no problem with her seeing me at a lesbian venue. I simply do not want to spend time with her in that space. It's MY internal boundary. No external circumstances can change the way I FEEL inside about not wanting to spend time with my adult students outside of the classroom. Nor do I WANT to change the way I feel. My boundaries make me feel safe. Luckily, my student was entirely respectful of my boundaries. If she (or another student) tried to overstep my boundaries after I explained what they were, it would make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Boundaries are not about "right" or "wrong" or "should" or "shouldn't;" they are about what make use feel safe.

In your explanation about going to an intimate gathering alone, you say that you and your T shouldn't be "forced" to go alone if you have no one else to go with. Do you feel lonely at these gatherings because you don't have anyone to go with? If that's the case, the gathering might be a good way for you to meet some new people. A T can never be a friend. If you want more friends in your life to spend time with, trying to meet new people at places where you have common interests can be great. An intimate gathering might be a great place for you to meet new people and make some new friends.

When you assume, though, that a T would also feel "forced" to go alone, you are projecting your feelings onto her. If a T is at that kind of event alone, she might be there alone because she WANTS to be alone. Therefore, if you try to hang out with her, you may be invading her private space and her alone time. Alternatively, she may be there looking to make new friends with whom she can have reciprocal, real-life relationships. A client can never be that person. If T spends her time with you, she could be losing out on the opportunity to make new friends who could support her and be her friends on a regular basis. Can you see how a T might feel differently than you do about this kind of encounter? Since you cannot change people's internal boundaries, do you understand that you just have to accept them even if you don't like them?

Personally, I've gone to a meditation/self-improvement retreat alone. My reason for going alone was to get some much needed alone time in order to reflect, breathe, and relax. I was feeling very claustropobic in my life, and just needed some space. It felt okay to be around strangers because none of them "knew" me so I could let my guard down. I could talk to them when I wanted to, and sit by myself when I wanted to. If I had run into someone I knew and they wanted to spend time with me, it would have felt intrusive. If they didn't respect my boundary after I said "I want to be alone"--and if they tried to rationalize why I should spend time with them after I said I did not want to-- it would have put a major damper on my retreat.