Just wish I hadn't said anything and just squished it down because I feel she is putting up defences and that hurts. I also don't want to be having tantrums about it. Practicing mindfulness and trying my best not to self harm, but the disgust I feel for myself being 'weird' (in my eyes) gives me powerful and impulsive urges. This situation is difficult enough, without the fact that I have started volunteering and I'm there a lot and feel apologetic for even being in the building.

Today I was walking through the town centre at lunch and I suddenly realised she was walking a few paces in front of me and I quickly turned around and went in the other direction. Felt so embarrassed for even being there. Do you think I should just keep going and see what happens? Can't tell you how much I want to stay at home and not leave.[/quote]

-The key thing to remember is she is a trained professional. If she understands BPD she will know that your attachment to her is part of the disorder. If she pulls away she isn't just doing it for her benefit, she's doing it for YOUR benefit. Trust me on that one. People in helping professions usually take a client centred approach which means they empower the client. If they feel the client is getting to attached they will pull away, because it's not good for a client to become too attached...it's not empowering. So, do your best not to take it personally (I know that is very hard when you have BPD).
Misfit