Thanks for posting that link, Topher. I have to admit that looking at it upset me a lot, though. Major trigger for me. Those pictures reminded me WAY too much of my place and I couldn't read much of the site. My place isn't nearly as bad as those photos, but it is a mess. I'm not a hoarder. I don't have any connection to all the clutter. There are very few possessions -- other than some photos -- that mean anything to me. I want the rest of it GONE.

I used to be very neat, but that stopped about 2-1/2 years ago when I recovered from agoraphobia. I became extremely lazy about my surroundings and I let things get out of control. When I think about cleaning it up (because I HATE it so much and it's on my mind all the time when I'm at home), I feel overwhelmed and don't know where to begin. I can't make myself get off my arse and just START... because I don't know where to begin and it makes me feel SO baffled and useless. I feel like I don't know HOW to tidy up anymore... even though I can still keep things tidy and very organized at work. It makes no sense to me and it's making me feel horrible and crazy. It causes me a lot of anxiety because I HATE clutter and I worry about my landlord seeing the mess and evicting me because of it. It seems so simple... Just clean it up!... but I tell myself I'm going to do it EVERY DAY and I don't do it... and I don't know why and I don't know how to change that. Why am I not doing it right now? Why am I just ranting about it again? It seems impossible and it seems crazy too. I dunno. It's my insanity.

I was talking about it with my parents this afternoon and they think I just need a new place -- because I have too many bad memories here. They think I would keep a new place clean. They think I would be all neat and organized like I was before if I were in a new, bigger place. I don't think so, though. There's something that's making me do this and I don't think a change of scenery would change what's causing this.