Sounds like she might not know what her real feelings for you are.....& as far as having you continue to do the things you have always done.....sort of habit IMO....you are around & available & she has never learned to take care of herself.....so for convenience.....you are the one of choice to do it since she keeps in contact with you.

Personally I think she needs to start to learn how to take care of herself especially if she is really interested in that other man......then she needs to see if she can really depend on him to do the things she needs......she can't really make up her mind if she's using you to take care of her & yet interested him in the fluttering sort of infatuation way.....she's not really knowing what he's really made of if you continue to take care of her.

She's going to have to make a decision....can't have both guys....not fair to either even though she might feel like she's got the best of both worlds.

Would suggest you just back completely away & let her figure herself out. You aren't going to win her by taking care of her......but keeping in touch at a distance could keep you better knowing where she's at emotionally with the other guy......but in the end....she has to make a choice one way or the other.......& she doesn't sound like she really knows herself very well IMO. I can understand why she left you in the first place.....but she took her stand & you quit the gaming......that should have been the end of it & the return to the marriage IMO.....unless there was something more going on in her mind that was bothering her.......

Maybe marriage councelling might be a good idea at least with it in mind to determine whether the marriage is over or can be recovered......& go from there.

It's difficult when things have been pushed to that point....it's hard to get rid of the anger that has built up over the years & return to the marriage....it needs to be rebuilt from the beginning IMO.....but some just aren't willing to go back to that & work at making the marriage work.

Wish you the best in this.