Id like to point out now that for my s/h, i would not/never get help for it. Because I believe that since it's osmething i control and understand so well, that I control it and now HAVE control over it, rather than it having control over me...

This eating thing is different. I made myself sick 3 times today, and then after the 3rd time I got terrible chest cramps and nearly fainted. I panicked and told my friend whom i tell everything to that I wasn't feeling well and Id spewed, on several occasions. I had been drinking, but the 3rd time was to get rid of the drink. ANd i dunno...It scared me alot. I have had that kind of pain before but maybe it was a panic attack or something? Advice is needed as to what it may be, i know that no one can say "Oh yeah you had this and it means that so do this!!!"

I still dont believe that there's anything wrong with me and i still believe i have full control. Because im slightly vergint towards bulimia, i'm kinda thinking "great, its the one that no one else can see therefore no one can believe me." Because with self harm, they;re just cuts and scars. No one really believes how upset i am. I think i must be an amazing actress, or hide behind "Teenage bad moods" because no one has ever said, "Hey are you actually alright? Why are you always just ok????"

And then I go down the line of thinking its attention seeking and theni just go quiet about everything and dont tell anyone. Ive gone from not telling anyone to thinking "Ok i need support" and telling say....4 people that im not alright. They never carry through with what im saying. Apart from one guy, he's amazing. But then he is training to be a doctor....