Sweetie, you're wrong when you say "it's the one that no one can see." They may not see it right now, but if you continue, they will see it. It has some very dangerous, visible effects:

<font color="#000088">Recurrent vomiting and other bulimia side effects may directly cause esophageal problems, stomach ulcers, digestive problems, elimination problems, dental damage, vocal cord damage, nutrient deficiencies, vitamin deficiencies, mineral, deficiencies, and enlarged salivary glands.

Other common complications resulting from malnutrition are: menstrual cycle interruption, hormone irregularities, insomnia, decreased bone density, osteoporosis, irregular heart beat, low red blood cell levels, muscular weakness, hair loss, dry skin, low body temperature, organ damage, immune system damage, and many other serious problems. </font>

You may think you're controlling it, but it sounds like it's controlling you -- and scaring you. I can tell you're intelligent and insightful enough to know that there are reasons you're doing this -- deeper reasons. I know it's so HARD to reach out for help, but talking about it here is the first step. Keep sharing and take care.