Thank you everyone for your response. It made me cry bec I feel so worthless about this. Who wants to spend time w/a liar?
My biggest fear is that she's going to ask me why I did it. I don't know how to answer that w/o saying I like people to feel bad for me & feel sorry for me bec it feels good.
When I was younger I could get attention by flirting or using my body. Those things r gone now & I'm left w/nothing. I'm just a shell of a person. I have no idea who I am.

If I really wanted to solve this I'd make a copy of this & give it to my T & deal w/the shame of it all. I wish I had the strength to do that.
I can see myself telling her that maybe one or two memories might not b real so I don't wanto work on them.
The false memories that I try to process are very sexual in nature. Also very sadistic. I have a part of me that enjoys that & another part that is so repulsed by it & embarrassed by it I'm not sure what to do about it.
I'm so ashamed about this mess that I've made. I've been doing stuff like this for so long I don't know what's real anyone. Sometimes I think I must be really, really sick to be doing all this bec what person in their right mind would bother putting so much time & effort into making up such stories. I'm just truly disgusted w/myself.