I'm sorry but I really disagree with Patagonia...This is NOT something to be shamed about when you obviously already know it isn't the best way of going about things and it doesn't feel right. You're not proud of what you did and it is very brave of you to share this here.

It seems it will be best if you receive as much support as possible, just for being you...For being honest...for admitting to something that feels wrong and that you want to change it...For mentioning you're afraid...etc.

This is a great start. Even if you can't "come clean" to your current Therapist, I do agree it would be worth seeing a second T to discuss this with. The first step to healing is admitting and realizing the problem and you shouldn't have to explore it alone. I feel really sad for you because there has to be a reason to "lie".

I'm sorry you felt you should be judged and scolded for opening up finally. It must be a huge weight off your shoulders to finally talk about this!