Little Jay, your post struck a chord with me.
I've been in the position that you are in, and to some extent I am now, I think that facet of my personality will always be there and I've come to terms with that.

I've made a post about my experiences elsewhere that is awaiting moderation, so I shouldn't cover points made there, but what I can simply say is that in my experience, I usually had feelings similar to yours when I felt like my life was either in a rut or I felt helpless.

It sounds a lot like you're also a hard working type and have done a lot better with the likes of I, as I had to quit working altogether when I started having those problems. Although it must feel emotional and mental flagellation to keep on keeping on like you have been doing, it can eventually lead to the situation you find yourself in at the moment, at least in my opinion.

I consider my viewpoint to be somewhat of an unconventional pragmatism, although in this field of subjective experiences and perspectives, what is conventional!?

For my money, you should think about what dreams or goals you have had in life and start to re-arrange things around achieving those goals. In the short term, encourage yourself to do these things, even if you're bored or they don't appeal in the way they used to. Doing this will help you rediscover those feelings and give you something positive in life that you want to do for you.

Sorry to keep selfishly referring to my own case, but it is where I draw the majority of my experiences; in my case, re-discovering and starting to realise a childhood dream of making a computer game as been my bastion in a sea of vicious and unnecessary existance.

As soft as it sounds, having an ambition has been the most instrumental thing for me and I really hope that you can find something in your life that would make you feel the same way. Not because I like proselytising good feeling and positivity, but rather that I remember the depths that I reached not long ago, vividy, and I would not wish that upon anyone.

If you don't have these things in your life or can't bring yourself to explore them yourself, it is very understandable and is in no way a sign of inadequacy. The first step I would recommend is to talk to your GP and explain the problems you are experiencing. There are multiple psychogenic medications and talking therapies, some more useful than others but all a good and positive step for yourself.

As a new member to this board, it feels terribly cliché to suggest, but I and a great many others are here always to talk through problems and help you feel more positive about general or specific ponints. No pressure though!

Cheers bud