...there is such a powerful barrier between myself and others that I find it impossible to reach anyone. Its been 7 years since I graduated from High School, its been 7 years since I've really felt alive. It was around that time that I started having signs of agoraphobia, but I remember them being very slight, and attributed it so simply being nervous about starting my life. Sometime around the end of my first semester of college I noticed the problem getting worse. I started having panic attacks in class that wouldn't let up. By midway through my second semester I couldn't even go to class, I would just sit in my car outside the building. I ended up being put on academic suspension at the end of the year and was forced to sit out the next semester of school. This break only made it worse when I tried to go back. Even typing about it right now I'm starting to get that old feeling in my stomach that always proceeded a panic attack. I started drinking around this time. I pretty much drank away the next 5 years. I slept all day and drank all night. Alcohol was the only thing that made my problems go away.

I went to a family doctor almost exactly a year ago and tried to get help. She told me I had bi polar disorder, which I knew was the wrong diagnosis, but she prescribed me wellbutrin. I had taken it at one point before in an earlier attempt to quit smoking and I liked it. Over the next 6 month's I quit drinking and smoking, I started working out again and I was feeling great. Wellbutrin was a miracle drug for me when it came to my problems with substances. The problem is that while wellbutrin took care of the symptoms, it only exacerbated the cause. It took my anxiety to terrifying heights.

So here I am now. I'm more or less right back where I started. Even my mindset is that of someone who has just graduated High School. In effect I'm a 25 year old 18 year old if that makes any sense. Its terrifying to see that I've pretty much lost 7 years of my life. I'm ready to deal with the underlying problem, which has all along been agoraphobia and panic attacks. That's why I'm here. Right now I'm more or less a shut in and anxiety is running my life. I leave the house twice a week to go to a single class I'm taking at a community college down the road. I have panic attacks every day, but I'd rather have them than go back to drinking. Its so bad that I even have panic attacks in online chat rooms. I'm having a lot of anxiety just typing this. I was hoping some of you would have some advice. I'm not sure how to find the help I need.